Kings or Pawns

Paved with Good Intentions

I was a bit behind all of yesterday, and didn't get the moment to remark on the previous day's activities or efforts.

For work, the day is coming back to my mind as being filled with the same rig-a-ma-roll as usual.  Lots to do, not enough time to do it, in need of resources, and no time to acquire them.  I had my 1:1 with Ken, and we discussed a few things which had come up, but they seem rather pale in comparison to yesterday's events.

Time at the gym was good.  I found it interesting that as I worked on my back and biceps, after shooting my triceps, shoulders, and chest on Monday, as I could tell I was curling wrong or rowing incorrectly, as those other muscle groups began to protest.  It indicated pronating or supinating on my joint rotation to not allow for the proper muscles to be worked effectively, and reminded me to keep things in a proper technique while lifting.  The end result was legitimately more fatigue than I was expecting.

Also, I found it difficult that there are only 4 squat machines, that also double has bent-over bar rows, bench press, and dead lift machines.  There are no loose bars and benches around the gym, so those 4 machines are legitimately always in use, because they are needed for so many core exercises.  It makes using the gym during any core hours difficult.  As a result, I grabbed a cable machine with a strange attachment to try and simulate bent over rows.  It wasn't nearly as effective, but it was better than not.

When I went home that night, I only got a couple episodes in before heading to bed, wondering if I'd sleep with anticipation of the biopsy the following morning.

The Convenience of Playing Stupid

I did sleep well.  I woke up feeling pretty rested, and was able to sit in bed for an extra 20 minutes, because my appointment was at 7:20, and if I left for the facility at the same time I'd leave for work, I'd be 30 minutes ahead of when I needed to be there.  I took comfort in that, and got to prepare my mind a bit more for the day.

I went to the facility, and checked in, wondering if it would just be done in the office there.  It seemed like it wasn't as big of a deal as other biopsies you hear about, so I was thinking it would be in one of the rooms.

I was taken into one, and I was instructed to get on the table, and just relax.  They situated a pillow under my shoulders, but no higher on my torso, causing my head to fall back uncomfortably, and exposing my neck.  The doctor explained they'd be going in only a quarter to a half an inch in, as everything was right at the front.  That was reassuring.  He took another picture with the ultrasound machine to see if the nodes had grown in size, and then gave me a count up to 3 and stuck me with the needle.  It felt like I was giving blood, and more to that point as he started rooting around inside with the needle.  He explained he needed to brush against the nodule to scrape off some cells, and that's the reason for the rooting.

He got what he needed out of the right node, and then moved to the left.  The experience on that one was vastly different.  The moment he inserted the needle, I felt a great deal of pressure against my throat -- like someone was shoving their thumb against my windpipe, making it more difficult to breathe, and filling me with anxiety.

Knowing I was in the company of a doctor and nurses brought me comfort enough to not freak out, but the rooting around felt wildly uncomfortable, especially with the added pressure to my esophagus.

When he got done, he pulled out the needle and was worried that the amount of sample wouldn't be enough.  After checking, he said he needed to do it again, and went in on the left side for a second time.  Knowing what was coming didn't help, and I struggled for air for another few minutes as he got more samples.

After it was done, the nurses cleaned me up and I left for work.

The biopsy was not the worst thing about the day.

Getting to work behind on the day meant that all my meetings were now upon me without my typical morning of focus and effort.  So I went from meeting to meeting, trying to resolve issues and concerns, and communicate things from one group to another with the goal of getting everyone on the same, flame-stained page.

Despite the meetings last week, and the confirmation on Tuesday that Testing would only take place on Legacy items during integration, and only in Happy Path scenarios, so we could focus on the new project, one of the managers claimed to not know what the plan was.  He was there for all the meetings, didn't appear satisfied, but the rule has been that once we leave the meeting and a decision is made, we all support it, whether we like it or not.  This manager decided to not support it, despite all the times I've gone along with one of their crappy ideas even though I hated it absolutely.  He came to me in the morning, concerned about not doing Testing in Legacy, and asked him how we were going to create the resources to cover both systems, and when he couldn't come up with a better scenario, I told him the plan would stick for as long as we were in this scenario.

He nodded and said he understood and left.  But what did he go do?  He went to our boss, and cried and moaned that he didn't like the QA plan, despite not having a better one, and demanded that we change it, without offering a means of accomplishing the tasks.  So my boss called me in and asked me to come up with a different plan so this manager, whom has no QA experience or insight to the work, would feel better about how I'm managing the group.

I was taken aback, and tried to illustrate the scenario so it could be seen that there were no other options:  We have two buckets that need Testing done, and only one bucket of QA resources.  We've already said as a company/department that this new project gets all the resources, so I pour the QA bucket into that project.  What's left is an empty Legacy bucket and an empty QA resource bucket.  So that other manager can complain about the empty QA bucket as much as he likes, but it won't steadily fill with his tears.  As they say, "It is what it is."

But that wasn't an acceptable answer, so I was tasked, and requested to "sleep on it," to try and figure out a means of providing extra value from out of my ass.

So I went home and stewed and fumed on it.  I actually got less sleep last night, angry about that, than I did anticipating potential cancer from the biopsy.  I ran harder at the gym, doing 1.91 miles in 20 minutes, much better than before.  But I'm still a bit beside myself on the issue.

The problems I see lie in the fact this other manager is now trying to find ways of micromanaging me and my team, and being reinforced with the notion that if he cries enough about things he doesn't understand, he can enforce changes to occur.  And then take everything he has just screwed up, and place it on me to figure out and deal with, when I just got done balancing the previous mess that was already balanced and figured out, and he came to kick over because he didn't like how a particular portion sat with him.  He has no responsibility in the matter, so why not cause more work for someone else needlessly, and then claim to be able to help with the fire he just started, by offering up industry pitfalls and obscenities which will cause more problems in the long run.  But he doesn't have to deal with them now, so that's a problem for future him to worry about.  Instead, he'll give it to me to pay for.

I don't see a winning option now.  I see various formats of failure, where he throws his hands up at the end and says, "I told you so," and conveniently forgets again that he ever caused it all.

So today will likely not be a good work day.  After work, I will go to the gym, do legs, and then head to Salt Lake to see my Dad and spend the night at his condo in the city.  Saturday I will hang out with him and my sister, brother-in-law, and nephew, and then go to a body scan and resting metabolic assessment at 1:30 in Holladay.  I will likely head back afterwards to hang out more with them, and after dinner come back home to spend the evening chilling with my buddy from out-of-town, as he leaves the next day.  Then on Sunday, I plan to head back up to the city to spend more time with my Dad until it's time for him to head to the airport, and then go back home to prepare for next week.

A report of all that will follow.

-Your Semi-Retarded Friend